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Current Music:More Human than Human - Dick Cheese
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Subject:Minutes 3/30/04 Team Name - The Grizwalds
Time:08:42 am
Current Mood:tiredtired
Jess: Ring of Fire...this song is about STDs.
Ryan: ...my itchy choad...

Kelly: If I was a slutty straight girl, I'd have a map on my wall like in MASK with all the Minneapolis bars on it...and I'd put pins in it when I banged a guy.
Jess: Then if I died young, you could cry and put pins in it saying, "You're going to get laid here...you're going to get laid here..."

Kelly: It's a juicer.
Jess: (writing) J-E-W...?

Best Movie Ever: Ryan in Japan Robster Craw and other hijinx

Kelly: Oh, they lost at the Alamo, so now they're going to play 'Desperado'?

Ryan: We're going to get beat up. They'll find us and no one will know why.
Jess: Our last words will be ...'uhhh..Minutes.'
Kelly: Like Rosebud.
Ryan: The Minutes are our Citizen Cane.

Kelly: He just slapped her on the ass...like she's his palamino.

Upon Sarah C's arrival, Ryan whispers, "She can't read the minutes."

Anton's trivia items:
tea difuser: pacman blow up dog
children toys: hamster butt plugs
wooden twist: syphillis ribbon (partly worn because people with it are crazy and forget thery have it)
Remember the syphillis!

Anton Lavey: TAKE IT!

Kelly's Regis as Buffalo Bill, "Would you fuck me? Cuz I'd fuck me!

Jess's clitoris as a castmember of Jem and the Holograms, "Showtime, Grumble!" (its Synergy!)

Kelly notes that Grumble reads "Joy of Cooking", "It's the only joy she gets."

Ryan: You're ugly; my eyes hurt. You're annoying; my brain hurts.

Jess: Tons of magazines and crap actually suggest spelling out the alphabet when giving oral sex to a woman.
Kelly: Yeah...it's like, "I....I....I...."
Kelly: Maybe Trey is doing graffiti?
Jess: 'Why are you tagging!?'

Ryan: Potato cakes, you, potato cakes.

Grumble is a waitress at Country Kitchen, they have two sneeze guards - one at waist level.

Jess: Heroin is god's chlorine in the gene pool.
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Current Music:it seems to me that maybe pretty much always means no song
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Subject:3/23/04 Urethra Franklin (won best team name!)
Time:09:13 am
Current Mood:tiredtired
"Who's in charge of string cheese?"
"Steve, he's out today."

Sarah's rendition of the worst.mullet.ever.

Ryan "It's like a beacon in the night..."

Ryan "Speaking of elves...Prince's new song is great!" (Le petite rockers)

Jessi and Ryan can't get over Sting vs. Stuart Copeland during "Message in a Bottle"
"I hope that someone helps my...herniated disc...freacture femur..."
"Sending out an EMT!"

"Hi, I'm Jake, Assistant Manager."

Jessi "Waify is too cool for carbs."

Jessi's clitoris "bundle of nerves", Ryan names it "Grumble"

Kelly "Never look a gift areola in the mouth."

Ho chi mihn breast

working the rice patties

WD-40 vs 40 grit

Jessi "Green ticket right in the brown eye!"

State nicknames: Jessi "I thought Wyoming was the 'Killin' Faggots State'"

Kelly "Why is Ryan your clit?"

Jessi's clit wears glasses, they fog up when it's reading cookbooks. Grumble has completely different interests than Jessi, which may be the problem.

Jerry Seinfeld on fast food, "What's the deal with KFC? Sometimes I just wanna get the biscuits....they're good."

"Mr. U.N. is here?"
"Every damn night?? In Malaysia?!"

"I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating honey."

Breaking in the new trivia guy:

Guy "Ready for the next question?"
Jessi "Think we ain't?!"
Guy "...aauughhhh....number seven."

Guy "Are you ready for number eight?"
Jessi "Still think we ain't?!"
Guy "I don't know."
Jessi "Oh. I didn't mean to blow up at you."
Guy "That's ok!"

Edge of Seventeen vs. Cusp of Dirty

Changing lyrics to come on Eileen so they are "Come on Eireen"
"Come on, Eireen and bind your feet, come on...geisha..."

Jewish Greek Gods:
"Oy, tied to the rock, with the bird eating his guts!"
"So he gave man fire, big whoop!"

Ryan "There's a big, fat frog on t.v."

Argonazis

The Teri Garr Experience

Kelly and Jessi are *here* on Shelley Winters and Jem

I heart SNL and Skillets

"Dennis Rodman was big, but he wouldn't go down." - Madonna (?)

Ryan "Everybody's a fucking jerk."

Ryan, growing upset that I absently put the minutes away, "You're not closed."

Ryan "Can I get a water?"
Jessi "um, and a dress?"

Jessi "My clitoris is the 8th dwarf. It's Grumpy, then happy."
Kelly "Then it's sleepy."

Ryan "Bitchslap that mofo back to 1982."
Kelly "That bird character."
Ryan "The puppet chicken mcnuggets look like turds."

Tenty menty

Waitress "You guys got burgers?"
Jessi "Oh...no!!!"

Kelly "My birthday is on easter."
Jessi "Should we start drinking at noon?"
Ryan "The jesus drinking game, every time a rock moves, take a drink!"
Kelly "I will be drinking Rolling Rock!"

Jessi "Why is my clitoris James Cagney?"

Doubleshot of Nickelback "This is how you remind me...that some music sucks."

Jessi "If I could be perfectly Frank? I'd be weird and blown twice."

Ryan referencing a lone girl at a table full of dudes, "She's a three holer." (Looks around nervously, pretending he didn't say it.)

Sloppy 16ths
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Current Music:cities 97
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Subject:316/04 Minutes - Skillets Abound
Time:08:17 am
Current Mood:tiredtired
Ryan "Axl Rose, I dance like water!"

Sarah Mc "What do I tell you about Mary's Danish?"

Ryan "You rocked that Alfredo."

Anton accuses Jess of stealing his man? She quotes Billy Joel songs in her defense

Jess "He won't you know. He doesn't stand for Appolonia."

Jess "Ryan is going through every point that's evident."
Kelly "Bricks? HEAVY! Gravity? CONSTANT!"

Jess "Zombies like to move it, move it."

Ryan "Wilford Brimley is a zombie."

in reference to depressed Dale:
Kelly "I asked him to lunch..."
Jess "He said, 'I'll be eating my gun, I'll be full.'"

Sarah Mc "Enjoy your rotater cuff."

Jess "Does that sweater come with sideburns?"

The implications of a literal "Sarcastic fucker"

Kelly "It's made for Mrs. Applebaum, so you know it's really nice."

Sarah "Because that's what happens to tables, the value goes up."

Ryan "Alt tab my ass."

The Skillet MonologuesCollapse )
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Subject:03/13/04
Time:09:15 am
Sarah, Jessi, Kelly for an hour:

on the subject of hotdogs:
Jess "Try watching a hot guy eat one."

Kelly "I'm going to put this on my fridge!"
Jess "On the fridge? You never eat!"

Sarah "What's my ass look like right now?"

Sarah "Txt msg n the DL"

Sarah explains to Jessi the History of the Townhouse

Anton played the exact same obscure Billy Joel song that Jessi played earlier "Go to Extremez!"

"Microfiche!"

"Hey, Mr. DJ."

Sarah "Muffberry."
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Subject:03/09/2004 - Juicebox Hero
Time:08:48 am
Current Mood:amusedamused
In attendance: Sarah C., Jess, Kelly for an hour

Jess "Didn't you put your dick in a clam?"

Anton Lavey "If you ever want to change...DON'T. But if you do I'll accept it."

Anton kicks it to Billy Joel - Sarah and Jess are fans

Anton "Mrs. Tut"

Sarah "Dude loves Billy Joel, three people can't be wrong."

Jess "...and by a pinch, I mean my nipple."

Anton "The discoveror of radium name her...dog. Name her dog."

Jess "Ollie ollie oxen oleoresin capsicum!"

Sarah "Cock is good though."

Anton "How many atoms can you taste..."
Jess "Ask me how many Adams I've had in my mouth!"
Kelly "You haven't had any Adams in your mouth."

Dave Storlie shout out "You got atoms (erbals) in your mouf!"

"I'm Stephen Hawking - nobody loves me."

Jess "It doesn't even occur to her, that she may be unattractive to someone at some point."

Sarah "What's up with my wormy tailpipe?

***
In regards to Jessi's awesome, tall, hot, brown sleeved boyfriend and his circle of minority friends:

"It's my boyfriend table!"

"What's up, table of minorities? Who's your friend?"

"See you Korea, see you Cambodia, see you Laos...I gotta go."

"There's a refugee...your friends are at table twelve."

"Do you need bound feet to get this guy??"

"Did he sneak out with all his Charlie friends??"
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Subject:LTOP Minutes 3/05/04 - Friday Nite Drink Party
Time:09:11 am
WHO'S HOUSE?
JESSICA'S HOUSE!
(to stay in during zombie attack - since there are two exits and they are both upstairs)

Ryan :"..also? Road Warrior Outfits." Height of fashion during zombie holocaust)

Jess: "Really? Guns?"

Charles Nelson Reilly is to Crank as Emeril is to heroin BAM!

Kelly: "I crave airguns."

Ryan: "goo-shammy"

Sarah Mc "Tracheotomy Sounds is the name of my new band."

"Just the good ole diddle."

"Victoria hates Dee-Lite. Whoreable."

(sung to Pink's 'get the party started') "I'm your operator you can call any...BEE BOO BOP!"

Jess: "My clit is constantly...'really.'"

Ryan does it like a brutha.

Jess: "I wish I was dead." intense laughter follows

This pen is dreamy. - A Fan, Verbatim

Jess: "Sarah and Kelly get together and play 'Hell's Kitchen'" *nudge nudge, wink wink*

"Seabiscuit got served."

"S.A.D."

Jess: "Heavens to mergatroid."

Jess: "All I hear is wall to wall shit."

(can't remember the song that Stephen Hawking and the guy he was encouraging were dueting on): Jess "You'll be ok...nnngghhh...with the tracheotomy, it's new..mmghh."

Steve Miller's "Abracadabra, you got served!"

Ryan on Stephen Hawking: "He's got the (face, hand, and neck contort) you know..."

Ryan's page:
"I need a midol."
"Hey man! My black hole..."
"Did you scan a tootsie pop?" (Scanny Qsacerton)
"Lenswise...holla!"
"Weird techno pop folk."
"His testicles are pissed."
The Boss responds, "Well that's ok, cuz my ovaries are angry."
* End of Ryan page

Jess: "Can you make my clitoris say, 'Really.'"

Jess: "I don't know why you're all steppin to me with your eyes."

Sarah C: "Indifference is my middle name."

Might as well jump.
guitar solo
keyboard solo
jump!

Sarah C: "They were just licensed, and I'm not talking Corey Haim."

Jess: "John Frusciante is where my heart is."

"Really? Are my nipples going to rub up against this table?"

Jess: "I hate each and every one of you."


Jess and Sarah's S.A.D.D. definitions:

Saturday Afternoon Dumb and Dumber
Sorry Ain't doinit (-Trey)
Stephen Antibiotic Doit Don't nnghhh
Steve Ain't Derogatory Dude
Superior Alternative scribble scribble (because we were mad at SoberKelly)
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Subject:2/24/04 Minutes Nany Regan, One Breasted Robot from the Future
Time:09:10 am
"A: Fill in the Blank.
B: And I'm mad."

in reference to a shaggy black haired guy with a sequin shirt, "...and then he's gonna go to Wichita."

"We forgot to say grace."

"Chicken-burger"

"Hello ladies! *click click*"

"The hole in your soul is getting bigger."

"No, help yourself...ugh...grr.."

"Kelly's nephew is named Atticus. Not you."

"I've never hit you before, but I will."

Note from Verbatium: MY ARM WAS FALLING ASLEEP!

"What's the Dirty Bert? Nevermind."

"It's not like the dirty sanchez, is it?"

"If it has a name, somebody's done it...in prison."

"Why is there a 4 year old in prison?"

"Who knew...Kelly is a truant officer."

"She makes kids go to school, then they bring a gun."

"I had beef stew for dinner."

"Does she have a waterhead too?"

"Glover trumps Devito."

"Did you say syphillis."

"Nothing rhymes with chlamydia."

"Safety first."

Jessi's story about Jay's std (toast, gonnorhea, pinched the penis head, and everyone goes to their happy place)

"I'll take chlamydia for $500."

Stephen Hawking as a doctor "gmmhhh...you-should-take-antibiotics."

"Is there an STD round?"

Pee Wee references: "You telling me?!" and "Speramint or fruit?"

"Some people say it takes a village, I say it takes two..." (Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock Rock HIT IT!)

"I celebrate splooshstice."

"Aww...right in the Bubba Gump!"

"Why does Tom Hanks look like Doogie Hauser?"
"Because he has AIDs."

Ryan's Nancy Reagan impression:

Ryan: [robot voice] I only have one boob."
Jess: "And apparently when they take your boob, you get a tracheotomy. Because without a boob, no one wants to see or hear from you.
Ryan: "You lose your right to speak. [robot] I'm not pretty...nnghh."
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Subject:02/17/04 - Kerry Licks Bush in '04! (Lesbians Rejoice!)
Time:09:08 am
"I have twelve emails in my inbox. TWELVE!!!" - Sarah Mc

Misheard: Dry humping from work

Dawn of the Dead:
Ryan: "They went all redneck on the zombies at the end."
Jess: "Yeah, a zombie in a confederate flag walks up and they're all, 'whoa.'"
Kelly: "A zombie wearing a Dale Earnhart hat."

Kelly: "You know why I like The Untouchables? It's so anti-italian."

Jess: "I trumped you with the noise! Bee boo bee boo."

Jess: "I'm thinking of getting my hair put into tiny braids, getting my nails done, and walking around saying, 'Haaaaayyyy!'"

Jess tells a story about how states differed on whether army recruiters promises were binding, which interested her because her (ex) friend Alyssa was recruited She used the word "hullabaloo" and added, "I still hope they send her to vietnam."

In reference to Alyssa saying Jess was too moody, Jess proclaims, "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have...The Facts of Jess."

Ryan: "You liked Jo!"
Jess: "Everyone liked Jo."

Jess *singing* "In the ghettooooo..."
Sarah Mc *singing* "...in the ghettoooo!"
Jess: "So much for my solo."
Sarah Mc: "I was your background singer!"
Jess: "Whatever."
Sarah Mc: "You're such a diva."
Jess: "You know...the last person to call me a diva? Was the black guy I slept with."

Kelly: "Doc Severenson...I saw him open for Spyro Gyro."

Jess: "Robert Palmer...I find him simply...dead."

Ryan: "Ed Gory? He was in Tesla."

Sarah C: "What are you doing?"
Ryan: "Fuckin with the bun."

On Stuart Copeland:

Jess: "Be more gangly, could you?"
Ryan: "That will be on his tombstone, 'I broke Sting's ribs.'"

Jess: "Do we lose points for drawing on people? Good...cuz I did."

Probably Ryan: "She doesn't vomit on me anymore."

Ryan: "Boys are icky."

Kelly's Sarah C imitation: "Who do I gotta blow to get another beer around here?"

Jess to Kelly and Ryan: "Are you talking about guns? Of course you are."

Ryan: "We could take most of the people in here."
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Subject:02/15 minutes
Time:09:07 am
*singsong* "They're floppy...sweet!"

"Sploosh...it's kind of like aloha."

"You used to mouth what other people were saying."
"I know! You'd get so mad at me. I don't know what made me stop doing it."
"I dunno...it was probably the beating I gave you."

"He's commitment oriented!"

"Tell me my butt is pretty."

"Universal Anal Sex Glance"

"Baassskkketttballll..."

"Peg is Jessi's puppet."
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Time:09:07 am
"...when my Dad gave me a wooden jesusy dildo..." - Jessi

Porno Bloopers

"vibrating margins" from 02/12

"Holy Grail of Bitches"

"Kind of on my butt..."

"I'm bebefit of the doubt girl." Autobiography?

"Pitter patter, let's get at her!" - Kelly

"My gay best friend has to go to her happy place, otherwise she might get aroused." AWW SNAP!! YOU'VE BEEN SERVED!

"I had sex...it was almost nice." - Jessi

"If I was Tom Petty...but I'm not."
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[icon] LTOP Minutes
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