Commentator: Kobe Bryant has not scored... Jess: That's not what she said!! Ryan: ...but he did just assrape Sam Cassell.
Jess: Do black men have hair anymore?
On the Subject of Hanson: Jess: They're names are Taylor and Zach... Lindsay: No, those are Tool Time kids.
Ryan looks up Doug Henning articles on his internet cell phone: "...droopily mustachioed diminutive fuzzball..." "...making an elephant disappear instead of toking up a fatty..." "...goggle eyed wonderment and gooey narrations..."
Sarah C: One of them is bnamed Kim, I'll let you guess which. Jess: Whoa. That was like...the warm washcloth of racism!
Jess: I think that girl is so attractive, but she's kind of mannish. And you know the guy is with the fance girl with the earrings and the hat. Don't you know a good mannish thing when you see one??? If I was president that would go on money.
Jess: If I had a band, it would be 'Drunk Mopey Dildo and His Fat Friend.'